The Work
There are very few books that I can say have had such a profound impact on my life. One such book is Byron Katie’s Loving What Is. I would say reading or listening to this book is a very important first step in self improvement. This book has helped me to identify life impacting emotions and understand that they are merely figments of my imagination. I do this work daily on anything that might pop up in my head. It gets much easier over time.
I think about the elevator pitch for this book. If I had only 10 seconds to describe what this book is, I would say, “Your mind is lying to you. We keep believing what our minds tell us, but none of it is true. The best way to overcome this is through inquiry. Question your thoughts. Is it true? Can you absolutely know it is true? How do you react when you believe that thought? Who would you be without that thought? Inquiry and turn the thoughts around.”
Inquiry helps me to break my thoughts down into four questions. Through the answering of these questions I can start to understand the truth behind these thoughts. The four questions are simply:
1. Is it true?
2. How can we absolutely know that it is true?
3. How do we react when we believe the thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
The next step, once I have gone through the questions, is to turn the thought around. This can be a little daunting, at least it is for me. For example, if I were to say “I do not like that someone close to me drinks too much.” I would turn the question around and say something like, “I do not like that I drink too much.” This is a valid question. Even though I do not drink alcohol, my thoughts are caught up in this other person’s business and that is my alcohol. There are a lot of examples of the turn around in this book, they range from simple daily questions that most people can relate to, to some very intense questions.
Katie believes that there are three types of businesses. There is my business (which I have full control over), there is other people’s business (which I should not seek any control over), and there is God’s business (which no one has any control over). One of my core functioning beliefs is that we are all gods (little “g” gods). We all have that spark of divinity within us. That means we have FULL control over our own lives and destinies. That is our business. We also have control over the lives and destinies of those close to us. We should never seek to control another’s life unless we are given permission to do so (note, that permission can be withdrawn at any time). So unless we have permission from someone to become involved in their business, we should just stay out of it. Wars, political events, natural disasters, etc. are all examples of God’s (big “G” God or the universe) business. Even though it may be entertaining to get involved in that business, it is usually detrimental to my life.
A wise woman once told me, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” This quote sounds very much like something Katie would say, but it is attributed to Regina Brett. I am not familiar with Regina’s work, but it seems very spiritual in nature.
In the book Katie frequently mentions being a lover of reality. I am always working on becoming a lover of reality. I need to accept the things life throws at me and consider them just another of life’s little miracles. Everything I experience is just a chance to learn and grow. As one of my favorite musicians Trevor Hall sings, “So, you can’t rush your healing, Darkness has its teachings, Love is never leaving.”
As I learn more and more about my PAG practice, I also understand that this is a very evasive process. Think of it as surgery for your mind. If there are other, less-evasive ways to heal, those should be considered first and foremost. Then the psychedelic medicine can come in and help piece all of it together. You can’t do the work, unless you start somewhere, and you should always learn to walk before you try to jump off a cliff and soar through the clouds into alternate realities. As mentioned before, if you do not know where to start, pick up Katie and check out her site. Inquiry will first and foremost be the place I point people to before we can go deeper through PAG practice. This work is not easy, if it were then this world would be a paradise. I love when my friend and teacher Ash says, “It is Ayahuasca, not Ayahua”spa”.
If you are interested in doing the work, Katie provides judge-your-neighbor worksheets on her website in the download section.
